Another Year of Motherhood

As my twin sons near their twentieth birthday on November 15th, 2010, prayer and contemplation of my years as a mother has dominated my waking hours.

I worry I wasn't a good enough mom, and I search, in my prayers and my heart, for the memories of when I was a godly mother. These are the memories of raising my sons that I hold deep in my heart; the times when I was prudent and wise and when I taught my sons the virtues of life.

Yet, I will always remember the many times when I taught my sons vices, times of selfishness and complacency in my choices. These are the times I regret, but I also will accept them with humility. Because of God's Word, I know I must be thankful for my failures and short-comings.

Prayers of thanksgiving have given me the understanding of the mercy I recieve and the mercy I give. Having a heart of gratitude gives me freedom from the regrets that cause bitterness and despair. I will not allow that to happen, and so I thank God everyday for my successes and failures as a mother, and I know He is always with me.

I think of my sons and prayer for them often throughout the day. They will always be the focus of my petition prayers, because they have been the center of my life for twenty years. This is the truth of motherhood; my life is divided into two parts, before my children were born and after my children were born.

I thank God for another year of motherhood.

A Cause Worth Dying For

“I have set before you life and death, the blessing and the curse. Choose life, then, that you and your descendents may live, by loving the Lord, your God, heeding his voice, and holding fast to him. For that will mean life for you…” Deuteronomy 30:19-20


It is my desire to help put an end to legalized abortion, one heart at a time. I am writing to all my sisters; to all the American women, young and old, who have been lied to about choice. I am writing to all the American men who love a woman dearly; a mother, a sister, a daughter, a wife, and care about the future of our families, our nation, and our world.

It is my passion to share the truth, the truth of life. It is my hope to touch your heart with my prose and poetry and to stir in you a desire to choose life. It is my love for each one of my American sisters and brothers which convicts me to risk everything to share this truth. The truth I have found in Jesus Christ, His Word, and His Church.

Read what I write with an open heart and open mind, and make your own decision, my friends. And know that you are loved no matter what you choose, but also know there is only one true choice, one choice of love and hope, one choice that gives life.

I can never say exactly how my lifelong search for love and truth has continually lead me to the amazing man named Jesus. Through Christ, I come to know the mercy and love of the Father, and I’m given the Spirit to guide me in truth, faith, and hope. I love life, even in my times of suffering and sorrow, so I will speak of life. And so, I must write. To reach the countless citizens of our country who have been fooled into believing we want the “freedom” to kill our children.

I wrote the following poem for my twin sons, and for all unborn babies. David and Dennis are an incredible gift from God and because I chose to give my sons life, they have given me life. God tells us the truth when he says the life we give our children will mean life for ourselves. Because of the choice I made, I am blessed with my children who are my joy, my peace, my hope. I pray all mothers and fathers may know this truth.


Babies

I feel my babies inside of me
Beneath my heart and completely free
Wanting so much to simply be

I am a part of this world.

But who am I to make this choice
To be the loudest and only voice
In my freedom to choose, I rejoice

I am a part of this world.

Sadly, others tell me it’s okay
To kill my child and walk away
And live to breathe another day

I am a part of this world.

But I also hear what the truth must be
As faithful friends try to help me see
When I feel my babies inside of me
I can’t stop their hearts because I’m free…

My babies are a part of this world!

Love in Christ,
Mom
April, 2001

What Is There To Love?

I am a woman who suffers from monthly cycles of depression, only recently diagnosed as PMDD: Pre-Menstrual Dysphoric Disorder. For about ten days nearly every month, I struggle with finding a positive attitude about relationships, work, and church. In fact, I often become despondent and full of despair, and I fail to find the good in life.

On these days, I hold onto the hope that the tears will end, the deep soulful sorrow, the desperate hopelessness, and the intense anger are symptoms of my condition, and they have no power over me. At least, that is what I must tell myself on the days when I can't help but feel these painful emotions.

After years of trying to treat my condition medically, with prescription drugs that did not work, and only seemed to worsen my symptoms, I decided to abandon the man-made solution and depend on God for my emotional comfort. With prayer, His Word, and His Sacraments, I find peace in the midst of my sorrow.

This past week, I have been suffering days of sadness and weeping. It is so deep and sorrowful, my heart and soul are in agony. Those who suffer depression understand the pain I describe. During these days, it is hard to get into His Word, but thankfully the Lord pursues me.

Yesterday, in my 7th grade religion class, a student asked me about a psalm reference which led me to scan through the book of psalms. My Lord captured my attention with the words, Prayer of One in Sorrow, Psalm 13.

It is a very short chapter, and I read the whole thing in seconds, soaking in His words of hope and truth. The last verse of the chapter filled my heart with gratitude and my mind with love. They say: ...Let my heart rejoice in your salvation; let me sing of the Lord, "He has been good to me." Psalm 13:6

When I read these words from my Creator, my heart is filled with joy to know He will always be there for me. My God leads me to a place of contentment so I can once again find a reason and purpose for this difficult life. God is always there, and He tells me the truth, I have so much to love in life, even when my feelings and thoughts try to tell me something different.

He is always speaking to me, loving me, consoling me, and strengthening me in so many ways, in prayer, His Church, and His Word. He helps me focus on what is true and lovely. When I read His Word, I am filled with hope and a true sense of purpose, no matter what my heart may feel or my mind may think, I am loved by my God, and that is something worth living for.