Thursday, July 2, 2009

New Phase in Life

As my sons graduate high school and prepare for their college experience, I am filled with both joy and sorrow.

It is amazing to witness the men they have become, and the choices they make everyday. Only a couple Sunday's ago, they chose to go to Mass on their own. It made me feel secure to know my sons are choosing God without me telling them to choose God.

I always hope, everyday, they will choose to follow Christ's Way, and because I can't tell them what to believe, I pray. I know there will be many choices my sons will make that I will not like at all, as I make choices they do not like, but that doesn't mean we can't get over it, forgive, trust, and endure in love with one another. And because God is in our life, we love with forgiveness and trust.

My sons have challenged my patience, touched my heart, left me in awe, and saddened my soul all because they must break free from my motherly control. I must let them grow, and I have allowed them much freedom in making decisions about their life and how they are going to live it. Each year, each phase of their lives, I have given them more and more freedom to make their own decisions, and to face the rewards or consequences of those decisions.

That meant an F in an elective woods class for the midterm grade because my first born decided to socialize more than work. He wanted me to talk to his teacher, because he felt he didn't deserve the F, he made 3 bird calls, after all. I told him if he felt he didn't deserve the F then he should talk to his teacher himself. He didn't like this idea, but he was a sophomore, he was becoming a man, and he was responsible for his own decisions and behaviors and to defend the choices he made.

A couple days later, he came to me and told me he decided that he did deserve the F because he did choose to talk too much and didn't reach his goal in class. I asked him if he talked to his teacher about it and he said he didn't need to because the grade was fair. I was blown away by my son's wisdom concerning a poor choice he made.

He humbled himself and took what he deserved, which was a tough consequence to bear because it dropped his GPA, and severely effected his reputation as a hard worker with his shop teacher. He really had to prove himself the next half of the term, and he did. He had to work extra hard to bring his GPA back up past a 3.5, which took him over a year to accomplish. But, by his senior year, this year, he was accepted to the National Honor Society at his school.

I have slowly allowed my sons to be more of themselves and less of me, by allowing them to make their own decisions, and expecting them to accept the reward or consequence of the decisions they make. Even though I cannot interfere, I will never give up my influence.

I must say, it is the most difficult thing in the world to watch my children suffer from a mistake they made and not try to make it "better." But it's a wonderful feeling to watch my children celebrate the rewards for the good decisions they make.

I will always give my motherly influence and compassion. And I consciously encourage my boys to make their own decisions and, hopefully, I will, most of the time, respond appropriately to whatever decision they make in life. Through the grace of God, I am given everything I need to love my sons unconditionally, and I am succeeding to love them no matter what they do or say, where they go, or who they are, I love them as Jesus loves us all.

My sons are not perfect, but I love them as if they are perfect. I forgive their mistakes, and more importantly, forget the hurt the mistakes caused. I don't bring them up again because the lesson is learned, the consequence suffered, the punishment paid. In having this trust in God's way of raising my teen children, who definitely made my hair gray with worry and filled my heart with disappointment, I prayed, and still do. I pray for my sons constantly, otherwise, I would fail to love them unconditionally. My prayers for them helps me to know my love for them.

It's much like the Father's love for me, No matter what I do, He loves me. And so, I pray...

From Baby Shoes to Football Shoes

With joy and sorrow

We’ve watched in trust

The countless steps

You have traveled

The places you’ve seen

Especially the family and friends

With whom you’ve grown up

Every step a precious memory

Making you who you are today

And tomorrow…

With hope and love

We will always trust

The steps you take

The path you follow

Will be the Way

God has planned for you.

And may the plans

You have for yourself

The goals you’ve set

Bring you happiness

And fulfillment

May the path you travel

The way you take

Be everything you’re meant to be

And more

May it be everything

God has in store

For your future.

You are our beloved son with

Whom we are well pleased

May the Lord bless you today

And always.

All Our Love,

Mom and Dad