As my twin sons near their twentieth birthday on November 15th, 2010, prayer and contemplation of my years as a mother has dominated my waking hours.
I worry I wasn't a good enough mom, and I search, in my prayers and my heart, for the memories of when I was a godly mother. These are the memories of raising my sons that I hold deep in my heart; the times when I was prudent and wise and when I taught my sons the virtues of life.
Yet, I will always remember the many times when I taught my sons vices, times of selfishness and complacency in my choices. These are the times I regret, but I also will accept them with humility. Because of God's Word, I know I must be thankful for my failures and short-comings.
Prayers of thanksgiving have given me the understanding of the mercy I recieve and the mercy I give. Having a heart of gratitude gives me freedom from the regrets that cause bitterness and despair. I will not allow that to happen, and so I thank God everyday for my successes and failures as a mother, and I know He is always with me.
I think of my sons and prayer for them often throughout the day. They will always be the focus of my petition prayers, because they have been the center of my life for twenty years. This is the truth of motherhood; my life is divided into two parts, before my children were born and after my children were born.
I thank God for another year of motherhood.
